Mountain Angel (Northstar Angels, Book One) Page 18

  “I wasn’t snoring. Was I?”

  “Nope, but I thought I’d toss that in to make you blush.” She frowned. “Hmm. Didn’t work. Guess I’ll just have to try harder. Tell me, Pat, when do I get to see you naked? I mean, I’ve seen––”

  “Aeli!” he protested. His eyes were laughing, though, even if the rest of him wasn’t.

  “And… I win,” she retorted. “Face feeling a little warm?”

  “Blessedly so,” he replied. “What would I do without you right now, Aelissm? A trip down memory lane like last night would usually have me hiding in my bed until I had to go to work.”

  “I’m trying to make myself indispensible. Is it working?”

  “More than I can accurately express in words.”

  She wanted to ask him if it was enough to make him consider staying after this business with Adam was over, but couldn’t bring herself to give voice to her desire. Before she could call herself a coward, something smacked her straight upside the brain. When this business with Adam is over. Not if. For the first time she could recall, she could see her situation as temporary. It wouldn’t go on and on as she’d feared. There would be a chance to rebuild her life after. And her main concern with her life was quickly shifting from keeping Adam out to bringing Pat in. Permanently, on both counts.

  “Aelissm?” Pat asked, his voice thick with concern. “You look like you’re about to cry.”

  She gave a short bark of laughter. “Maybe I am. I can see daylight again.”

  How he knew exactly what she was thinking about, she couldn’t guess, but he wrapped his arms around her and whispered in her ear, “I told you I’d bring an end to your night.”

  “I wish I could bring one to yours.”

  “You are, sweetheart. I can see the first signs of dawn.” She felt him take a deep breath, hold it, then let it out slowly. “I honestly didn’t think I’d ever come this far and I owe it all to you and your interfering uncle. That sneaky son of a bitch was right.”

  “I feel like there must be something more I can do.”

  Pat held her back and narrowed his eyes thoughtfully. “There isn’t, Aeli. I’m not going to be entirely myself today, so don’t take it personal. The fact that I can be myself at all after going back like I did last night is a sizeable miracle.” He stroked her face, then glanced at the stove. “Breakfast is burning.”

  With a curse, Aelissm yanked the frying pan off the flame. So much for her culinary genius.

  * * *

  The view from the pullout was incredible. Pat shut the dirt bike down and rested it on the kickstand. There was a small granite boulder beyond the edge of the picnic area and he climbed up on it. Below him, the Northstar Valley fell away to the south and its hayfields, pastures and sagebrush hills resembled a patchwork quilt, interrupted frequently by the Northstar Creek and its willow-choked tributaries. Directly in front of him, Comet Mountain rose high above it all. He could see the brilliant emerald patches that were the meadows just above the cabins on the mountain’s southwest-facing flank, guarded by a ridge that curled around the tiny alpine valley. Something joyous and persistent stirred in the darkness of his heart. All of this, from the line of mountains proudly watching over the peaceful valley to the aspen groves that shivered in the foothills to the sapphire sky littered with fluffy white clouds, was his now. Northstar belonged to him. And he belonged to Northstar. This was where he was meant to be.

  Aelissm joined him on the rock and he tucked his arm around her before he realized what he’d done. Even as the feeling of at last being truly home intensified, Pat chastised himself for what he was doing to Aelissm. Guilt chewed on him as he recalled their conversation that morning. She felt like she wasn’t doing enough to help him and his burden wasn’t hers to bear. He should have just given her the bare minimum of details to put her mind at ease, but he’d unloaded everything on her, so grateful to have her there beside him that he hadn’t given a thought to how it would affect her.

  Why? he asked himself again. He’d always been able to keep his emotions on a short leash every other time he’d shared his memories––at least until he had regained solitude. His family didn’t fully understand how deeply Sara’s abuse affected him and he’d been careful to keep it that way. Only Bill had ever gotten him to open up about it, but Pat hadn’t told him about Sara’s infidelity or that he still hated himself for striking her, nor had he mentioned how he’d felt so humiliated for the witness, Michelle. Bill knew more than enough to understand when Pat slid down the muddy slope into despair, but no one had ever seen the inside of his mind when he fell. Now Aelissm had.

  Panic needled through him. He had to leave before he pulled her down with him, but he couldn’t go back to Washington until Adam was no longer a threat to her. He’d told Bill he’d protect her and he wouldn’t back out of that promise, not even to protect her from his misery.

  As swiftly as the panic had come, it receded, chased away by the thought of what Aelissm would say if she could read his mind right now.

  Stop being an idiot. Besides, I’m a big girl. I can take care of myself.

  Maybe he shouldn’t be so concerned for her because she was a lot tougher than even she knew. But Pat also knew himself well enough to see that he’d never get over the guilt of breaking her heart. And he would. There was no way to avoid it now. If her sassy taunts this morning were any indication, she was already attached to him, so leaving now would hurt her. On the other hand, staying would only give them time to get closer and she would be devastated to learn that he couldn’t love her as fully as she deserved. A woman like Aelissm shouldn’t have to settle for half a man.

  If Pat had been in his normal, rational mindset, he might have laughed at himself. Only a small portion of his mind realized how ridiculous he was being about this whole mess. That part of him actually understood that it was a mess and not the end of his world, as the rest of his brain was convinced. That tiny fragment of sanity also knew that he was more himself today that he’d been on similar days in the past. He was finally healing from Sara, even if he wasn’t capable of realizing it at the moment.

  “So, how are you feeling now?” Aelissm asked suddenly.

  “A little better. Still not myself, but getting there.”

  “Not good enough. I know just the roads to get that pummeled out of you.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yep. Comet Ridge to the Sheepfield. You’ll be too busy concentrating on not crashing to worry about your problems.” She grinned up at him. “I was afraid we might need those roads today. Which is why we’re here. The turn off is just a bit farther up the hill. C’mon, old man, let’s ride!”

  The start of what Aelissm called Comet Ridge Road seemed tame enough. Two hundred yards later as he was navigating down a steep trail strewn with rocks and dangerously rutted by spring run-off, Pat decided a reassessment of the road was in order. He was so focused on the treacherous path as it wound through dense forest that he had time for only one thought: Aelissm was right. They’d spent the morning and early afternoon exploring the backcountry on comparatively unexciting roads that had been mostly smooth, packed dirt with the occasional rock cluster. This road gave him a far greater appreciation of how rugged and untamed this land was and the unforgiving jolts he received coaxed out his own wildness, beckoning to him and encouraging him to let go of civilization and be a part of his surroundings. Thrill pumped through his veins.

  When he did let go and stopped thinking about every little rock and sand bar, he found he was steadier and the bike bucked less. He passed Aelissm on a rare smooth stretch just as the road leveled out a bit and heard her crow of laughter over the engines. At the next opportunity, she retook the lead and bounced on ahead with a confidence that sent a shock of pride through him. If he thought he belonged here, he had no doubt the mountains were in her very blood.

  “That’s more like it!” she called as she stopped to let him catch up.

  He pulled up beside her and saw they were out of t
he woods. Literally. Below them, the road dropped steeply once again into a small, grassy bowl between hills covered in fragrent sagebrush and crowned by tall stands of quaking aspen. At the bottom of the slope, the road forked, one heading straight up to the hill on the south side of the little valley and the other turning left to run through the bottom of the bowl. There were a few sheep and cattle scattered around the area.

  “Sheepfield?” Pat asked.

  “How’d you guess?”

  “I don’t know. The sheep, maybe?”

  Aelissm gave him a knowing wink. “The trail on the ridge over there comes out on Wellman Creek Road just up from the Sawtooth trailhead, so it’s a longer ride. The sagebrush roots make it a little aggravating. Your ass will probably fall asleep, none too pleasant a feeling. The field road is a little rougher, though not as bad as Comet Ridge, and comes out less than a mile from the gate to the cabins. It’s your call, Pat.”

  He debated it for a few moments, and though he would have liked to take a longer road back, he decided that a numb butt was probably a greater annoyance than the extra riding time was worth at this point. Besides, the rate things were going, he was likely to be here for a while yet, so he’d have time to take the other road when his mood had improved a bit more.

  “Field road.”

  Aeli’s shoulders dropped in relief. “Thank god. I hate the ridge road.”

  “Then, why’d you suggest it?”

  “Everyone loves options.”

  The Sheepfield road was better than Comet Ridge, but once it started ascending back up the mountain, it was still rough. As they passed through aspen, he wondered what this field would look like when the leaves turned yellow. Gorgeous, no doubt. He’d have to come back just to see the autumn here.

  Though Aelissm had said this was the shorter road, it was still at least three miles long, winding through the valley and up along the northern ridge. At the line of lodgepole pine that signaled the eastern edge of the grazing area, a creek cut right through the road. There was no bridge and the banks were about three feet high. He considered himself lucky to have made it this far, but he hadn’t yet needed to attempt something that belonged in an obstacle course.

  “You didn’t mention that,” Pat told Aeli when they stopped at the stream’s edge.

  “Didn’t mention what? Oh, that? That’s nothing.”

  “Does nothing have a proper name?”

  “Dingley Creek. It’s the same one that runs by Grandma and Grandpa’s cabin.”

  “Starts from that spring by the Old Miner’s Cabin?”

  “That’s the one. Farther down it joins with Wellman, Clark, and Sawtooth Creeks.”

  “Ah. So, how do we get to the other side?”

  “Don’t pop the clutch or hit the throttle too hard coming out of it. You’ll already be nearly vertical. It would really suck to get tossed in the creek.”

  “I suppose it would.”

  “Really, Pat, it’s not as bad as it looks. I remember one of the summers when June came up here with us. My little brother was showing off, trying to show us girls how to do it and… the bike made it, but he didn’t.”

  “I’ll bet he was embarrassed.”

  “Humiliated. We wouldn’t let him go back to the cabin to change—we were heading down into the Sheepfield—so he had to air-dry.”

  Without another word, Aelissm tapped her bike into first gear and went over the edge into the creek. She opened up the throttle a little to get up the other side and then she was there, making the whole thing look as easy as if she’d traversed it a thousand times. Then again, she probably had.

  Pat took a deep breath and started cautiously forward. Going down was easy enough, so he relaxed a moment, then it was time to go up. He did as Aelissm had and gave it a little gas. The bike leapt forward and zipped up the bank. For a frightening handful of heartbeats, he balanced on the rear wheel, still racing forward, then set down. He turned the bike around in the circular clearing and grinned at Aelissm, his heart pounding with the flood of adrenaline. It wasn’t exactly jumping out of a plane or scaling a sheer rock face, but he’d never done something like that before.

  “That was pretty cool!” He exclaimed. “Can I do it again?”

  “Go for it.”

  So he did. After five round-trips across the stream, Aelissm finally put an end to his frolicking.

  “Dinner time, Mr. O’Neil. I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry.”

  “I guess I am, too, now that I think about it. Guess I was having too much fun to worry about food.”

  “Better having too much fun than lost in too much misery, eh?”

  “That’s for damned sure. Any other plans for the evening after we eat?”

  “I thought we could invite June and Luke over, maybe Grandma and Grandpa, too, and play cards until the wee hours of the morning.”

  “That’ll be great. You know, we still haven’t had one of these card parties you’ve told me so much about.”

  “I know. Sorry. I guess we’d better have one tonight. With the summer tourist season starting shortly, we’re not going to have too many free nights and I don’t want you to go home disappointed.”

  I am home. The thought was unbidden and intense. It took him a moment to force it down. He couldn’t stay, no matter how much he wanted or needed to. He couldn’t hurt Aelissm more than he was already going to. She looked at him expectantly, waiting for his response, and it pained him to see the hope written plainly on her beautiful, caring face. All he could find to say was, “I do hate being disappointed.”

  If he’d thought breakfast was good, the beef stew she’d left simmering in the Crockpot all afternoon was heaven. As he savored each bite, he began to wonder just how serious Aelissm had been when she’d said she was trying to make herself indispensible. If that truly was her intent, she was doing a damned fine job of it. Pat could cook well enough for himself, but even his best was garbage compared to this. Good, clean air, beauty all around him, fabulous food to eat and an exquisite woman there to ask him how his day had been and actually mean it… the reasons to stay here in Northstar were piling up and eroding his vow to leave before the damage to Aelissm was irreversible.

  He felt like a foolish boy in high school, but he wondered if maybe he shouldn’t talk to June. She probably had one of the most objective minds of anyone he knew and, since she was watching everything unfold from the outside, she had a far better view. Besides, she was Aelissm’s best friend and he had no doubts about Aeli sharing her innermost secrets with June. If nothing else, June might be able to tell him how he could let Aelissm down gently.

  Before he and Aeli had finished eating, June and Luke arrived, barely announcing their presence with a knock before pushing through the back door. Both were beaming.

  “Good news?” Pat asked.

  “Great news,” June replied. “It’s official. Luke is legally my son.”

  Her joy was a palpable thing and Pat found himself locked in a group hug with Aeli, June, and Luke. When he stepped back, he was astounded by the unbridled emotion on Luke’s young face. Pure, unshielded happiness. He’d never seen the boy so unguarded and something in him settled; the wild urges that had plagued him all day fell silent. Luke was home and Pat was privileged to be involved in such a precious moment. He felt like part of the family, too.

  “You’ve always been a part of our goofy little family, Luke,” Aeli said. “I’m so glad it’s officially official now.”

  “Thanks, Aeli,” Luke replied, his smile even brighter.

  Aelissm spared Pat a long glance that told him in no uncertain terms that she wanted him to be a part of their haphazard family, too. She felt like he already was. And damn Bill for doing this to them, because he wanted it to be true.

  “June,” he murmured to Aelissm’s friend. “Can I talk to you when you have a moment?”

  She frowned and her blue eyes darted questioningly at Aelissm. “Sure. Aeli, I’m stealing Pat for a few minutes.”

&n
bsp; “Just be gentle with him. He had a rough night. C’mon, Luke, you can help me get this mess cleared up for cards.”

  June lifted her brows at Aeli, glanced at Pat, then motioned toward the door she and Luke had just entered through. She closed it quietly behind them.

  “What’s on your mind, Pat?”

  “I love Aelissm,” he blurted.

  “Well, that’s pretty obvious. So, what’s the problem?”

  “I don’t want to hurt her.”

  “Before I ask how you could or would hurt Aeli, let me first ask what she meant when she said you’d had a rough night. I get the feeling something happened that has to do with this.”

  “It does. I told her about Sara,” Pat explained. “I told her everything about Sara. I’ve never told anyone everything before, not even Bill. And this morning, Aeli told me she doesn’t think she’s doing enough to help me, which is so incredibly untrue… I can’t find the words.”

  “And…?”

  “Sara really hurt me. I honestly believe she killed me a little.”

  “Abuse seems to make people believe that.”

  “How did you…?”

  “I’m observant, Pat. I learned young, when my parents divorced, how to read people and situations. It was a useful tool then to help me stay afloat in the battle between them and I’ve built on it since. As to you… I put two and two and three together and came up with seven. I’ve listened to what Aeli and Uncle Bill have told me about you. And I know that look in your eyes. It’s the same I see in Luke’s from time to time.”

  “You think he was abused?”

  “I have my suspicions, but no proof and he doesn’t talk about it. Don’t change the subject.” June’s gaze softened with the deep-seated compassion he’d come to associate with her. “Believing something doesn’t always make it true. I think Sara tried to destroy as much of you as she could, but the simple fact that you left proves she failed.”

  “I got out, but that doesn’t mean she didn’t carve out a chunk of me.”